2022

Yesterday was rough. Steve had gone visit his babies. Yesterday was also the last day at work for me. My emotions were very high. I had nobody to speak to. And I also felt very lost about life because I was thinking if he keeps traveling to see his kids while I am all alone just working all my life how horrible my life would be. That feeling threw me into a dark place.I badly wanted to spend time with Steve yesterday and he wasn't here. I started getting mad and frustrated aboout the situation itself. Was thinking why am I even dating this man who can't give me a future? It all seemed to me like I was trapped. And felt like I don't even want to do this anymore. What am I even getting? 80% of his life goes to a woman who almosat destroyed him and who is still in love with him. What the hell! This is karma for sure. I am supposed to go through this whatever the reason it is. And I am suppose to develop the emotional wit to lessen my suffering and pain. I can very easily marry...

I thought of starting a new blog. I am in a very good place in life right now. Moving to Manhattan, got a job at a company that's willing to sponsor me and making 3 times more than what I was making last year. And I have a man who cares for me and we have something real at the moment. At the same time, I am aware that life can go from 100 to 0 real quick. I am both scared, nervous, anxious and humble about it. I want to treat people assuming I am nothing and nobody so that even when I lose it all, people will still see me as me. Yet I question my thought process. It's like I have horribly devalued myself and my potential. I never listen to my inner voice. That's why I worked at Capital One for 1 1/2 years knowing I had potential to lead a team that time. I also listen to people who don't believe in me, like my uncle or my brother. But it's safe to know Steve has a lot of faith in me ( apart from my driving). He has helped me grow and had challenged me in a positive...