2022

So I lost the promotion which I was promised. Lost it to Krista who is a much junior employee. It's very embarrassing given that I have already had a conflict with her, her bullying me and was not giving me the exposure into projects. She played the game well. Always had a reason to tell Joe why she is not able to give me exposure into the project. Krista is his pet employee. There is no winnign in that. I am still learnign about white girls since I am new to the culture. They are sleezy. Won't tell anything direct. They sneak into the boss's ears and tells and turns the boss against you or wins over your idea. Next time whaat i need to do is to ask Krista or any white girl if they have any issues before they sneak into the boss's ears. And Joe and Krista have a very strong bond. There is no winning there. I wouldn't have applied for the APM role if I knew Krista had applied in the first place. Something doesn't sound right anyway. Next time I have to have in ...

Yesterday was rough, overwhelming. I lost a promotion to a junior person in the team who I hated because of her cunning games. Then again I have to understand that she has somethign I didn't and that's how she got it. It's rough becasue it's a growth opportunity. Something within me has to grow. That's the ability to refrain and address issues strategically. Emotions don't help. I was about to braek up yesterday but my heart won't let me. I feel being played. Brought back memories of Sri Lankan guys on how they used to lie and play me. I think I got triggered and then Steve got triggered. We were almost about to braek up. So many things happened yesterday given it's just one day and a lot to take. What I could have done is be patient. About the interview, I could have rehearsed. Of course Joe favors Krista more. There is definitely that competitive advantage for her. I should not have applied for that role in the first place knowing Krista was also going...

I am supposed to study but I am exhausted. Work takes alot of part right now. Can't wait to take PTO. I have learned how to handle Trey.

It was very difficult to break news to Patrick that he won't be speaking at the conference

My heart says to keep going. It's been a tough week and the past 2 weeks had been relentless.I am exhausted. Also worried that my company gave Patrick the chance to present stealing away the opportunity from me after I have put in so much work. Injustice at workplace can be daunting. I feel demotivated that I didn't get the promotion. I don't feel like going to work. People take credit for my work. I have to revisit. I am here for the green card. or just to fund my startup. I should not let my mind get carried away.

A part of me wants the DNA test of the kids to fail. It's simply because it has added many complications to our life. And the relationship is very difficult. It's selfish that I feel that way. They are still kids, could be Steve's, could be someone else's. I think the most selfless act is to still take care of them and help them. They know nothing and are still innocent kids. Why do they have to pay for someone else's sins? I have to train my mind to understand everyone's life and think empathetically, be selfless. It's hard. Specially knowing what a horrible woman Alonna is and still hurting Steve. She probably grew up hating her own dad who left her when she was a kid, taking his own life. I think that probably made her hate men. or at least masculine men. She has had a hard life and still has a tough life. I need to learn to admire how she is making it thorugh and support her. I don't like her obviously but that doesn't give anyone peace. Have to...

The past few days had been a lot. I met many of my relatives. It was nice. All of them were father's relatives. They are very well educated. It was both emotional and fullfilling. I connected with so many different people. The fact that I am from New York definitely made a big difference. Also I realized people at the wedding were there with different intentions. The family and relatives were mostly there out of love and the bond. Few others like Chandira were there just to maintain the connections so that he can benefit. I gifted malli 500. It felt nice. Steve and I helped a lot and were part of the family. Steve didn't like the fact that Isuru is a die hard liberal. Steve is a huge conservative. These are all politics. I will need to mediocre them at some point. I don't want them to fight at any point. I love both mallis. They are very kind and helpful. It feels nice to have a family away from home. In fact I didn't really have relatives back home. Most of them were ...

I got period. Dizzy and in pain. Also I have to be aware that I am hypersensitive today and need to avoid people and high emotions.