Almsgiving

Yesterday Steve and I did the almsgiving. We both got pirith nool. It was mainly dedicated for my father. I miss both my mother and father. They did a lot for us. Also Sumathipala- my dear parent after father died and we had nobody we trusted. I trusted Sumathipala even though my brother had some sort of jealousy, anger right from the start. He felt the need to control sumathipala. I saw him more as a fatherly figure and not as someone who works for us. Honestly he was a fatherly figure and he was there for us, in the name of my father. I hated the fact I didn't answer my father's last call. Was brainwashed by lokuu amma who said he was faking an illness. You see, this teaches how important it is to question things, what people say and not to blindly believe anything. Much of the effort should not be spent on the past or on reminiscensing the past. It's time to focus on the future. There's still a lot to be done. After 7 fucking years!!!! I am finally with a company that is sponsoring my green card. Took 136 job applications, avg. of 3 job interviews a day and an enmormous amount of effort. That's a massive achievement. I am grateful to three main people in my life- My father, my mother and Sumathipala. Then there are people who helped - My school friends like Hasanthi Thilanki etc. then my father's relatives, then my mother's relatives who gave some support ( I don't know if I can ever regard them because they were abhorrent and resisted the every single action of helping us and they just did it for the sake of gaining our property/inheritance). I am very grateful to my parents and Sumathipala. Sumathipala was very loyal and was family. He never left us. He even tried to get samurdhi when I couldn't pay him. He still stayed. Never asked for money. I love him a lot. And I am so sad he is gone. I don't want to mourn for the dead. It's gone. Much energy needs to be spent on what I can do for future, help Sumathipala's relatives, do something in the name of them etc.