2022

I need to start sleeping early. And also dealing with a lot of anxiety because the investigation is ongoing while I am on leave.

I go to sleep after chanting piritha and meditating for a bit. Even then I would see things I don't like in my dreams. I think it's a way of expression, letting go, reminding that there are remains and unresolved isseues which I still need to go through and resolve. Interestingly I saw my first boyfriend in my dreams and it felt so real. When I woke up, I saw an email which I have not ready for years which is also related to him. His ex wife has emailed me and I saw it. So I responded back to Gihan and explained. After that I never saw him again. Sometiems I see Yabing in my dreams and I hate it. She is extremely a horrible person who has no concern about others and I don't want to work for her. Good thing is I am facing interviews and something will come my way. I have to keep applying for jobs. It's very important for meto crack my CISSP this year. That gives an additional layer of securtiy. I want to live in Manhattan. Not network with these "budding architects...

Sometimes it's hard overcoming destiny. Finding a man who checks the checklist is not so hard or at least it's in my control. But finding someone who has unique feelings for you is hard. Over the years, I have realized that in the end love is about the uniqueness of the feelings and it's very rare to find someone who feels about you in a certain way. Gihan had it and Steve has it. Chamly had it a bit but we never worked out due to wrong timing.And of course, initially he approached me to have only a sexual relationship. If not, things would have developed with him. I like Prashan as I have known him for so many years now and we get along very well. I am not sure if he is a friend or a romantic partner because we have never been romantic. He dated one of my closest friends and he cheated on her. I was resentful. He shouldn't have hurt her. Seeing him hurting the girl who loved him the most really put me off and made me lose trust in him. But it's been over a decade ...

It's been a long week. On a positive note, I have the Disney interview coming up. And there's some hope. I am done working with Yabing.Her friend Wei is the same, using undue influence. Josh is good to have in the team because of his people skills but I have to move him to another team for sure. He can screw me over. I have chosen to listen to Steve because as an American born, he knows a lot. On a positive note, I am going to get prepared for my Disney interview. Also looking forward to studying for CISSP.

I hate going to work everyday. Hate that it's made mandatory to go to office.