Working on myself

Sometimes it's hard overcoming destiny. Finding a man who checks the checklist is not so hard or at least it's in my control. But finding someone who has unique feelings for you is hard. Over the years, I have realized that in the end love is about the uniqueness of the feelings and it's very rare to find someone who feels about you in a certain way. Gihan had it and Steve has it. Chamly had it a bit but we never worked out due to wrong timing.And of course, initially he approached me to have only a sexual relationship. If not, things would have developed with him. I like Prashan as I have known him for so many years now and we get along very well. I am not sure if he is a friend or a romantic partner because we have never been romantic. He dated one of my closest friends and he cheated on her. I was resentful. He shouldn't have hurt her. Seeing him hurting the girl who loved him the most really put me off and made me lose trust in him. But it's been over a decade since it happened. People change. Nipu is happily married. That's something I miss about my culture. All my friends are happily married and are leading normal lives. With Steve, it's been so much trauma in his life to overcome. His trauma in having to deal with a horrible mother. Now he has struggle expressing his emotions. He never feels safe doing so. And his trauma in dealing with Alonna. He will never get married or have kids again. At one point in time, he expressed interest in having kids. Then all his debt again put him off. He will never live a normal life. That's what I know. What I miss is my culture. Just seeing that normal family life. Only a Sri Lankan or an Indian guy can undersatnd that. And sometimes I regret dating Steve. He is just a western guy from a wrekecked disastrous culture. They never know what a family life is. And western women are the worst women in the world. It's a known fact. There are white men who lead normal lives. I don't trust white men in general though. They are complex compared to a Sri Lankan guy because of all what they go through. I like Sri Lankan guys but they don't like me beucase in their eyes, I am not normal. But a Sri Lankan guy who lives abroad could be a bit more open, like Prashan. But he lives in Canada, so we never had the chance to get close. He and I have similar social backgrounds. Upper middle class Studied at good schools. He was the swimming captain. But yes, he is a ladies man. lol. But my uncles will accept him and I can be a part of a normal life. Then again I don't even know if I will fit into that. Sri Lankan guys have very high expectations. I have to cook a different meal everyday and have to at least cook 3 curries. So much work to be honest