Dreams and life

I love living in New York and can't think of a life outside of that. I am planning my entire life around New York. The hustle, bustle,, sophistication, opportunities and money are the best things about living in NYC. How can anyone not like this life in Manhattan? I would love if I can have my kids in NYC, get a nanny from Sri Lanka and live here. We can do homeschooling or online school. It's not like US schools are good enough anyway. Public schools are a mess and the culture is not healthy for a child. I am glad that finally Steve was open to the idea of having kids, but in his own terms. But that took a long time and efforts to get there. I love living in NYC and he says if he is to get married adn have kids, it would be in a different country. These two psychics told the other day that I will be moving abroad next year. That freaked me out to be honest. I love my life right now. After 7 years of crazyness, have reached a stage where I am financially stable and happy. Even if the job gets shitty due to the new boss, I still can find a new job. It's NYC. Steve is very sensitive. He was hurt that I didn't show him any affection or care for a whole week. He has not been able to focus on his work either. I was so hurt that I won't have kids so didn't want to tlak with him but he was hurt by my behavior and not being willing to talk with him about my mental agony of wanting to have a normal life. He gave me a list of improvement areas to work on and he said if I don't do it, he will leave in Jan. Steve has not seen a balanced woman in his life. He thinks work drives women demonic. The life he knows is all about bitterness in women. His mom, Alonna were monstrous, alpha women who were all about power. Steve is a guy who needds a lot of love. He is sensitive. He is not like any other men I have ever met before. He is a bit like Gihan and resembles his personality but for the most part, he has a childlike element in him. I am sad I hurt him by not talking. I have to not do it again. I have been with him for 5 years! Imagine 5 goddamn years with one man!!! Like he is the only man I have ever had sex with. He is the only man I have ever lived together with. He is the only man I had trusted! Like I would trust him wholeheartedly. 5 years with a man is a very long time. We have been through a lot together. My broke college life full of VISA crap, his custody battles, depression, bankruptcy, seeing him becoming a new father etc. We just clicked. you know. It was very coincidental. We met, we just clicked right away. It was natural. Things just flew. No one had to force anything. It's like teh universe wanted us together. Something will happen for us to come together. Once I wanted to break up and move to LA. But then I was broke to afford high rent. So I stayed until I find a job. By the time I found a new job, I have again got back with Steve. Before meeting Steve, I manifested a good man. I manifested a tall, loving caring man and I cried so much reliving painful love life moments in the past. In the bathtub, I cried so hard that day. It was a way to heal, release all the unhealed trauma. Nilkamal turned me down and I was devastated. It helped to cry so much. Then in 2017 May, I wanted to explore the city. It was super random. I had many other guys interested in me because that's the time I started overcoming pain and started taking care of myself so well. I was dressed well, my self esteem was pretty high, I visited Minneapolis. Loafed around a lot and missed the train to go back. It's almost like I didn't even care. I jut wanted to be in the city. St. Cloud was a dead place. Then I needed a place to stay at. I saw this airbnb hostel with 500+ reviews. I went there. So scared. He was the owner. He took me in. It was a beautiful feeling waking up in a beautiful lively city and exploring again the other day. I kept going back to the city and staying at his place. It was always avaialble. Just a bank for $29//night and was very safe. He kept asking how I am doing. And in 2018, I quit my job and moved to Minneapolis for a new job. Stayed at his hostel. That's when we started having something more between us. It was so magical. Like meant to be. Effortless. We got along very well. I never thought we would because he is white. Life works in very mysterious way. After losing Gihan, I decided never to take someone genuine and loves you for granted. Because I met so many horrible men after that. Now with Steve, I don't want to lose him ever.I know I can find a rich physician from NYC. But the bond feelings Steve and I share can never be replaced. I value it and cherish it. I would rather help Steve become a millionaire. If I give him a nice peaceful happy home, he will achieve his dreams. Need to daily improve in the areas he highlighted in.