update

I decided to be active on Twitter again because I am a consultant now, my public presence is going to be important. Meeting Kitty was very heavy energy for me. It's almost like she was acting a role. Not the raw self. What I like about Emily is that she is so raw. Sana was the same. Steve obviously got attracted becasue Kitty is super friendly. She is not necessarily a bad person. Not just what I want to have in my life. And then it hurts me that Chana had unfriended me without asking what's wrong. But it's also very important to do what's good for me, demand respect, care about myself and make sure I am treated right. So what's gone is gone. My life is New York city is so beautiful. I have no complaints. I went for yoga today at 9 am and then went for a massage. It helps relax a lot. I have a ton to do but today I don't wnat ot stress myself. I have decided to help my brother again. So last night I spoke with him for an hour. He agreed but getting him to do the work is the hard part. HE IS A VERY LAZY PERSON. But then again that's how he was brought up. servants, comforts, so he became this asshole who maipulates people trying to get things easy in his way with less effort. Anyway at the end of the day he is my brother so I hve to help him. It was a very annoying exhausting call with him last night. HE jsut doesn't get it. I culdn't sleep well last night after that call. Always makes me so angry when he doesn't listen and accept help but tries to argue but can't even afford a pot to piss in after wasting all his money I can leave him alone but that's brutal and i know there is no way he can get out of the hell hold alone a part of me is so guilty of being with a white guy. i wanted to marry a sri lankan guy and have a normal life. but they never wanted to marry me. It was very painful being abused. I gave up. I have been very happy with Steve. He is very kind. I followed my gut and it worked. In my life what worked for me was following my gut. My uncle is not talking again. IDK. THe death of my parents had fuced me up so much gthat every time an old person or a depressed person goes silent i am getting nightmares thinking they will die. i hate that feeling. need to stop tormenting myself. meet them when they are in the mood.