Update

Today I am very frustrated. Yesterday I felt ignored and also suffocated in the relationship. He was talking with his kids for 30 mins and won't even acknowledge my presence. That made me feel ignored. He was also very loud. I don't like his kids because of the way they are being brought up. For million times I wish I could marry a Sri Lankan guy and have a normal life. But it was not possible. None of them would marry me and have any feelings for me. I was not their conventional girl owing to me losing parents at a young age. I never wanted it to define me but unfortunately it did. So this si the best I have got now, Steve. I have to make the best out of what I have got. He takes care of me when I am sick and takes a genuine interest in me. I also had a bad dream about my brother agian. This time he was going into jail I also realize that I invalidate my feelings and thoughts a lot because people around me do that to me a lot. My feelings are valid. I need to prioritize me. Yoga last night was great. Made me feel so good. Today Marcus is coming so have to clean up the house a bit. I also have to meet a work deadline today. Hate working with Krista. She coems off as a dictator. She is most likely threatned. I think making her feel comfortable and acknowleding her leadership in the project can help a lot in this situation. That's what she needs evidently. I also need to return items to Zara.Goign to do it on Saturday. So coming back to my feelings are valid statement, I have to stop feeling sorry for others and then guilt trap myself. I can't host Juhi on Sunday. Honestly, I hardly even know her. She keeps insisting to come over. I live with my bf. It's awkward to have a girl over. I have been told not to even have girls near my bf. Because a man is a man. The only way to stop the temptation is to give none. Life gets complex when there are "other women". I don't mind him enjoying his freedom once in awhile but the last thing I want to have is him sleeping with a friend. That's going to complicate both the relationship and the friendshp and then life. Boundaries are NECESSARY. About Emily, she is a good friend but also an energy drainer so need to be aware to set clear boundaries. Manifestation works like magic. I visualized myself speaking to large audiences that are professional. Here I got chosen to speak at the automative industry conference. And then I also won this small award. It's not a big deal but helps my resume and the green card. Egg freezing is a top priority. Need to start that. Overall, I think I am in a good place in my life. I have only 2 chapters left in CISSP. Have a nice apartment, getting good jobs. I don't think I like my current job but it's a less chaotic company and a much peaceful environment. The court hearing is giving me anxiety. But it's a growth opportuntiy for me. I am goign to take it positive. Currently my important things are, EV research, CISSP, security incident investigation research and the hectic work schedule.

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