Thoughts

Past 2 months had been EXTREMELY tough. I learned. At least my job situation is getting better now. Relationship is still a disaster. Have to get along well with the team. That's the key. I am giving credit myself for sticking through it all. I have to break up with Steve. Need to develop courage to let go of that toxic relationship. It doesn't serve each other anymore. He doesn't value what I offer him neither do I have the patience to take hte abuse. I never knew I am being abused until the therapist pointed it out. She said he is manipulating me, controlling me and abusing me. And I will wait forever to have kids with him. I have to leave. It's painful. But I have to. She said to have hard conversation. Where are we heading. What are we doing. I have to wait until he is back. I have never asked those questions from him for the fear of losing him. But it's also letting me get abused. I never realized I am being abused. I told the thrapist about the conversation and she said that's manipulation. I hate going through these vicious cycles. I have to find a Beta man like Alonna did and just feel safe. I can't get abused anymore I dated bad men always. The controlling ones because I felt relaxed but in the end I was being abused. It's a horrible feeling

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