Letter - It's lonely at the top

I wanna have a family ammi. You can't make it this far if you are weak. All the things I have been through- only a few would have survived. A part of me regrets rushing into a relationship with a man who already has two kids. I wish I had waited because of the complications that come with it. Then again I also know finding a man as a successful woman is even hard. I tend to look at guys as if they are lower than me as if they are boy toys. I want a Type A guy. Steve is that. Over the years a lot has changed. When I met him in 2018, I was so fucked up. A broke lost student living in a trash blue collar homeless town. Steve opened me into this beautiful world, restaurants, rides and all that. I loved it all. At that time, I felt so happy. None of htat means a lot to me anymore but I can turn my back on a guy who was there for me when no other successful man would even take notice of me. I had the opportunity to date educated men but most of them lacked class. Steve has an air of confidence and strength that made me feel very safe. I loved it. I felt protected. Money comes and goes. I will work things out with him despite the complications. Many of the girls who give advice to me are not happy and neither have partners. Why would I listen to failures. TO get to where I am at or where Emily is at, no ordinary girl can make it. She did it all by herself but she of course used people along the way. Most of her success is due to Hein's support which she refuses to talk about. I did most of it on my own. Been homeless, hungry, full of despair, It all toughen you up. Steve and Gihan are two partners I will never forget. They gave me a home. My uncle had been a father to me. But the birds are not supposed to be caged. I could not stay in MN with my uncle. It's lonely at the top. Most people I deeply loved aren't with me anymore. Either they were too weak to survive, or they were too old or they just had a different value set so I outgrew them. My own brother is one of them. He could never make it. His value set won't allow him.

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