2022

I am proud of myself. In the past few years I have made different decisions in life to which I would usually make.

I wanna have a family ammi. You can't make it this far if you are weak. All the things I have been through- only a few would have survived. A part of me regrets rushing into a relationship with a man who already has two kids. I wish I had waited because of the complications that come with it. Then again I also know finding a man as a successful woman is even hard. I tend to look at guys as if they are lower than me as if they are boy toys. I want a Type A guy. Steve is that. Over the years a lot has changed. When I met him in 2018, I was so fucked up. A broke lost student living in a trash blue collar homeless town. Steve opened me into this beautiful world, restaurants, rides and all that. I loved it all. At that time, I felt so happy. None of htat means a lot to me anymore but I can turn my back on a guy who was there for me when no other successful man would even take notice of me. I had the opportunity to date educated men but most of them lacked class. Steve has an air of conf...

July is almost coming to an end. Today was not a productive day. I slept the whole day. Could not get much done. Last night I slept because of my brother's drama. It's just so annoying talking with him. His life is always fucked according to him. There is no solution according to him and he hardly makes any effort to get out of it. Even when I try to help, he wastes all my money. I am just exhausted with him. You can't help him. He is living his life the way heh thinks is the best. He is going through his own journey. Just have to be patient and tolerant. Let him learn and I should just be a listener. I didn't go to any of the events I was planning on going to. Maybe my body needed a break. I slept for the whole day. I couldn't even study for hte CISSP. Also there is a lot of anxiety coming in from Dana's posts. She has just got the company certified against GDPR. Admit it though, that doesn't undo what happened. She fucked up big time. She didn't or doe...

Last night I saw Sumathipala in my dreams again. I was second thinking if I was treating him well. I remember giving him soemthign to eat and eating from it. Pretty messed up The tough part in life is battling the demons from the past. I treated him great. I still take care of his family. Seeing the loved ones in my dreams over and over again is very difficult becasue they have passed away. In dreams they are so real. I wonder if Sumathipala met my father and both are on the other side. It sucks. And in 20 mins I gotta go to work like nothing happened. I got 20 mins to get mentally prepared for work. Luckily I don't have a ton of meetings today and Joe seems fine overall, he cancelled the weekly sync. I am happy with Mike Welch. The past is gone. Mother, father, Sumathipala, aunts, best friends from school all that's gone. Clinging into those , trying to fix those, repair those relatioshiips, renew them etc. only bring pain. The past is gone. It's time to move on and liv...

I haven't slept the whole night. My sleep got disrupted yesterday becasue of Steve's stupid game addiction and our boat party thing got totally messed up even though it turned out to be fun. Honestly it's been quite a restless night. I have been looking for apartments in Manhattan. Forest Hills and Brooklyn and glad to mention that I am in a position to buy a VERY TINY apartment. It's not perfect but it's something. I was looking at Murray Hill initially because it's quieter and I am more familar with the area. However, Murray Hill requires me to save more. July 19th is going to be a big day. I am going for the pregnancy testing, and then head over to MI, after I get back I have to again travel over to Kansas for a 3 hour interview. I am freaking nervous. But if I get nervous it's going to be perfect. Anyway, sad about missing the meditation program today. I haven't been going for 3 weeks now. I have been so tired. KC trip was hectic but was rewarding. ...

I felt so embarassed today. I have like 100 more qualifications and have excelled in my academics at a very young age, I met this girl who has only 1 of 4th of what i have, she is a COO in NYC and also has a very attractive side business. She is very detailed oriented. I am not like her. I am not cautious. I just jump into things. And easily get screwed or drustrated. I believe being more diligent can help me a lot. She found the right partner and did the right business and now it's a great passive income source for her. Meeting new people in NYC defintely is changing my life. I have to find where the rich people hang out and go there without meetign these bubmble crap/