note

It's been an intense month. Yabing is EXTREMELY chaotic. My anxiety level has sky rocketed. The 28 days in this month were so bad. GUess what, I could have anticipated. I got a feel of Yabing's approach but still let myself react rather than respond. Gosh I hate working with her. Her expertise and task oriented approach is excellent.But it's just too much bullshit to deal with. Her bias for East Asians, autocratic approach, no discussion, and chaotic. I also feel bad about myself. I made my boyfriend's life super hard and his interview didn't go well. He had poor sleep for sure becasue he slept in a bunk bed, I hate myself for what I did. I had no energy to cook for him. I bought from outside and he didn't eat. Today I got periods. That day I left the house abruptly because he was getting late and I felt he didn't care. I was already going through a bad period with Yabing. Now I have period. Too much tension to take. I think I was trying to fullfil all Yabing's needs without giving myself a break. ALso she was such a mess and managing my own team etc. It's been chaotic for sure. Expecting Yabing or Josh to get fired is evil. I shouldn't think in those lines. Rather I should think how everyone can work together. Of course there are power games and I hate it. But I need to have trust everything will work out. Main thing is not to trust anyone in the workplace.

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