2022

I have been trying to adjust back into my daily routine after moving. Something in me doesn't feel right. It's almost like I shouldn't be here and this is not my place. It's uninspirational. Manhattan is where I felt belonged and inspired by. Steve barely listens to me. And he doesn't. I very upset by him moving to a place outside of Manhattan. He did it out of best interest but I am so upset that he didn't seek if I like it. Of course I said I am fine but I want to be living in Manhattan. My stuggle is in finding peace with the recent changes and getting back into the daily routine. Teh daily routine decides my future, not my present so i still need to get going.

I am taking this initiative to write 3 things I did well each day because I have become very critical of myself. It affects my morale and motivation. Does not help because I am someone who tries so hard everyday. 3 things I did well yesterday were, I controlled my emotions with colleagues and acted friendly I reciprocated at work I cooked dishes and tried on getting a broker

I feel very drained. So tired. Yesterday I took time to rewind, to go for a massage, spend time with friends but now I am so tired. Also helping my brother is very draining. He needs to take responsibility. Helping him is not going to solve his problem, neither his addiction, it's going to only make it worse. I have a lot in my plate as well. Need to get through the exam, get ready for the case. Until April, it's going to be hell. And I am stronger than the hell. I don't really like the new job but reminding myself that I am just there to do my job and earn money, helps me stay detached.

The past week was hectic and was horrible. I realized how important and valuable self knowledge is. Steve is spontaneous. I am more planned and routine basaed. Him moving out of random to a whole different area did not help me at all. Yet I made thorugh it and I deserve a reward. Steve gets mad when I don't align or try to argue. His intentions are good but I just didn't agree with his method at all. I clearly mentioned to him to move in a weekend. Anyway another thing is never explain to someone when they are in a bad mood or something. Let things calm down and then explain. I realized how chaotic and destructive my emotions are. I have to suppress them if they are negative emotions and understand them later and respond. Ask for time. Positive emotions are fine for the most part but still it's worth supppressing them. One of the value additiong incremental thing that happened in last week was the NFL interview. It was brutal but made it.