2022

It's been an intense month. Yabing is EXTREMELY chaotic. My anxiety level has sky rocketed. The 28 days in this month were so bad. GUess what, I could have anticipated. I got a feel of Yabing's approach but still let myself react rather than respond. Gosh I hate working with her. Her expertise and task oriented approach is excellent.But it's just too much bullshit to deal with. Her bias for East Asians, autocratic approach, no discussion, and chaotic. I also feel bad about myself. I made my boyfriend's life super hard and his interview didn't go well. He had poor sleep for sure becasue he slept in a bunk bed, I hate myself for what I did. I had no energy to cook for him. I bought from outside and he didn't eat. Today I got periods. That day I left the house abruptly because he was getting late and I felt he didn't care. I was already going through a bad period with Yabing. Now I have period. Too much tension to take. I think I was trying to fullfil all Yabi...

I don't like my new boss at all. Also added to that Steve is mad becasue I left the house yesterday when he offered a drive. He was late and I got frustrated. I just left. Now he is not talking to me. and also refrained me from seeing his kids. It's daunting. I am stuck in a vaccum and need to figure out a way to get out of it.

Yabing has been a nightmare to work with. I don't think it's a sensible idea to be in her team anymore. If she is too critical, it's best to switch teams. She is anyway going to see me with wrong eyes that will impact work. I have asked Roven if I can switch to his team. Honestly I spent so much on psychics these few days because it was stressful. I had my Disney interview scheduled last week and I am so mad because of Yabing I had to reschedule. Working with her is very depressing. She also created a confrontational situation between Josh and me that damaged our relationship. Also assigning work directly to Josh damages the relationship as well, I am starting to see sometimes that Chris was right. In Chris's case, he never expressed his preference.. He was passive aggressive and got me kicked out. With Josh and Jian, I have told more than twice to come to me when they get work assigned because I can't manage their workload when people around them keep assigning wor...

Overall, I am happy about my life. New friends, great pay, loving and caring boyfriend, nice house for ourselves.Also regardless of all the drama that's happening with the new boss, I am still being interviewed for Disney and Google. This weekend I want to focus on prepping for those and for studying CISSP. I worked out yesterday with friends and it was awesome. Loved every minute of it. I am someone who had been bulldozed in my career over and over agian. So I would rather be proactive than reactive. I saw aiya in dreams so decided to call him. He sounded depressed and weak.. But I think it's a good sign. It means he is growing. His self confidence is growing. He is getting his focus right. He is starting to learn his priorities such as the need for a job promotion, need to buy his own house etc. He again asked me for money and I said no. That's where I learned to draw the line. Helping him is not love. Helping him makes him less than a man, who he is, undermines his poten...

I don't want to work for Yabing. She is a selfishless, performance driven, materialistic, demanding person who controls my own team. It's gotten toxic already. So now I am looking for jobs outside because working for her is not really a good idea. She can eat into my performance review.

I don't want to work for a boss who works in weekends and who has no work life balance. That's going to make me unsuccessful in my personal life. She is pretty different for sure. If I get disney, I am more likely to move. There is better work life balance and I will be working with a bunch of men. Not that it's a bad thing. It's easier working with men than with women because women use emotions in their decisions. Personally I try to overcome emotions at work even when I have emotions intefering with my work.

I got two interview opportunities for Disney (Lead Software Engineer) and Google. It's shocking and I am so happy! Also things at work are getting more stable for me. My new boss is starting to gain trust in me. All I want is a well paying stable job, ability to live in the same living standards for the enxt 5 years at least without any sudden heart attacks and stress. I somehow need to complete my CISSP. That can position me even higher. Have a few critical things to do. Make an expense statement, plan, study for CISSP etc.

I don't like my new boss. She is so fast and kills you basically with work. She wants quick results. It's draining. I have also got interviews with Disney and Google so have a feeling things will get better :)

I hate my new boss. She is exact replicate of Dana. Easily manipulated and doesn't know boundaries.I think she is super insecure and tries to control everything. Have to stay calm and sane.

I have been feeling depressed and aimless lately. Also lonely. Steve never talks about a future with me. It's always been like living for the moment. My uncles completely disagree with the idea of "living together with a partner without getting married". They are traditional and consider it immoral. I have been rejected by them as well for doing this. They are like that. If I don't comply by norms, they reject people. Also, talking about having my own child only results in fights with Steve. So I have resorted to not talk about it but to decide things on my own as it's still in my control. It's depressing to be stuck in a relationship that doesn't fullfill some of the critical needs of a woman. Just because he had to go through hell with Alonna that resulted in him having loss of trust in teh system, relationships, partnership, marriage, etc. with a woman doesn't mean all women will exploit hte system. He is scared and I get it as well. I have been th...

I am very sad I don't have kids. It's like regardless of what you have in life , it's useless not to have life. I woudl rather pick a life with kids than a life full of luxury. I remember walking with my mother from a tuition class once and she was telling me showing a big house, how it's useless to have a huge house when the kids are deformed. Kids are a large part of our culture. Being in this relationship with Steve had been daunting at times because all his perceptions are a product of his previous relationship with Alonna which was very destructive of his life. I know, whatever it is, it's my life. It's all my decisions and my life. I can't blame anybody. In a way I was missing Nilkamal because we used to look at baby pictures together and it was very nice. Gihan is childless too. I feel I have been attracking non committal men into my life. Gihan was the only guy who planned an entire life with me yet I took it all for granted becasue I, by nature is s...