2022

Work has started to take a toll on everyone. None of the psychic predictions came true either even though it feels good to speak to someone when in turmoil. There is little hope things will improve. I need to get some PTO again

I decided to travel to Port Huron because it's been rough in July and in August. It was helpful to the most extent but having two white girl kids to take care of was challenging and it's mainly because they are not mine and they are being raised by Alonna who is totally a differnt person from me. I didn't want to get involved. Becausae I went on the trip, I felt obliged to help. I feel it's healthy to separate my life from their's partly becasue we live in two opposite worlds. I am not even comfortable in that small town or with the kind of people in that small town I have to deal with. They either keep staring or act weird. I like NY better. I can't think of my life outside of NYC for now. It's been amazing, vibrant and so happy. Our home is peaceful too. However, the break helped a lot. I am back again with more energy to drive to the end of August

Dealing with Yabing has been very stressful. Mainly because she doesn't listen or trust. I have been sleepless and have been having so much anxiety. I hate Ayman. He is trying to hard to make money out of the situation by trying to make a fool out of me. I desperately need my immigration work done too. I just need some sleep. It's fine. will just push through it.

I hate going to work. Just the thought of Yabing putting all direct reports and managers into one meeting is such a mess. I hate being questioned or humiliated, assessed in front of my direct reprots adn they are already not listening to me. Not doing the tasks that I assign leaving me overwhelmed. It's a broken dynamic I have to fix again. Also it's clear why Yabing was not retained. Just have to be strong because I still have to work and perform.

I had many bad dreams last night.It's good though becuase it helps address unresolved tension. I am excited to meet with my therapist tomorrow. I haven't seen a therapist until I moved to the US where seeing a therapist became a normal activity. It helps talk things out, specially when you don't have parents. I have had a bloated tummy yesterday. Today I am slowly getting fine. I have been eating salad for the most of the week to lose weight and that could be a reason as well. I learned something yesterday. Not to be pressured to join Leila. she pressured me to join Irina when I didn't want to. But also it's nice being there for her while she is there for me. It helps to be honest.specially in a big city full of people and when many are looking for superficial chats and friendships, situationships. It helps. I also liked Irina (new girl) we met with yesetday even though Leila didn't like her. I felt Irina is fashion conscious, blunt, honest and nice. I didn'...

Last month and the ongoing month is a roller coaster. I hate Yabing's approach and how her approach is messing up the team dynamic. And she also has a thing for the East Asians/Chinese so that's messing up things as well because two of my direct reports are East Asian/Chinese. She works directly with them and infleunces their career as well. For me, my priorities are green card, financials. I like my work. I like the company. But I don't want to work with Yabing anymore. I am decided on that. She is nothing but a chaos. There's a reason why she was not retained in her previous organizations. I realized the biggest mistake I did in my career so far is not being professional and speaking up from the beginning. It's very important to have everything in writing. I gotta focus on the important things. AvePoint, CISSP and possibly a job search again. Also the reason I am in NY is for opportunities. I want to start tapping into the opportunities. Literally tired of Yabing....

Starting to hate my job and my boss. I have come to realize, nobody can help me but myself. It's my mind that I have to overcome regardless of what's happening around me. Also Yujin got mad by my previous email. This is also a sign I need a break. Not reply every email. Just need to take a step back and let people play. Have to remind myself to do daily blogging. It helps a lot. Specially when times are crazy. I went to the gym and came back. I am tired. Also , Alonna is giving Steve a hard time again, using kids as a covenant whenever she doesn't recieve the money.