Daily update

I am glad about how far I have come in life. Was chatting with Nam the other day. 8 years ago I was in a very desperate place. Was hopeless actually. Was getting suicidal at very random moments. It was so intense and then light the other minute. Weird. That's why I called my aunt in the US and thankfully I was able to move here. It's been 8 years and I am in a much better place now. 25k in savings. Paid off all my debt. Have a good job even though it's not very stable ( I feel like I was bullshitted about the job at the interivew and was lied to - thi sis why I need to pay attention to detail) Steve and I are planning on getting married. Need to talk about it wit him today. Maybe we can travel to SL in November, stay a month there, get married and come back. That will also help me shift jobs. I hate being stuck in toxic jobs or getting caught to shitty jobs out of the goddamn immigration bullshit. Anyway it's been a lot of progress to be honest. It's been freaking 8 years. I can also apply for the NIW myself. Just tired most of the time. But I should tbh. I will be speaking at a conference in Canada. 500 Goddamn attendees man! And my zero trust research is almost done. Anxiety has always been there since my parents death. i need to take control over it now. Also have to be careful at the workplace. It doesn't look like a good workplace and seems very competitive. I mean no workplace is good. you just keep your mouth shut and put up with the BS. It's been 8 yeras since I quit partying drinking etc. Because I felt soemth9ong was not right about me. I was losing control of myself. Doing stupid stuff when I was high. it helped me though. Feel thre is more self awareness in me now. I am more in touch with myself and have started succeeding in life again. Trust me, drinking, smoking and bad friends a are a destructive combination in life. So glad I got rid of my old friends as well. It was not going anywhere. The white girls i used to hang out with MN are all in recovery now. And poor af. It's insane how easily you get into bullshit just for social approval. My objective is to get out of corporate someday. It severely threatens my integrity. I hate it. Have to act against my conscience all the time and it makes me weak. i STILL have a long way to go. But happy tthat after 8 years I have kind of got my life together. Planning on getting married, having kids and then have a good job. Also planning on buying my own apartment. I already can actually.

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